Bother
by The Flying Cabbage
Summary: Rand, Mat, and Perrin come across a strange ring and then the story gets strange. Literature, Crazyness, Redone and Redone over and over. As Sean would say "I'm killing it Dead" Rated PG for president slashing and very mild sexual references. please R
1. It Starts...

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NOTE: This is a short funny story I made for Wildkat to MST. It's mostly about WoT which is why I'm putting it here but it has some elements from LotR

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of Robert Jordan's characters (aaah, Mat!), nor do I own Tolkien's ring of power.

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Another Bothersome Story _or_ WoT meets The Ring of Power!

By The One Who Says "Glop" (a.k.a. The Flying Cabbage)

One Day,

I lied, Three Days actually, Mat (sigh), Rand, and Perrin were walking down the donkey mucked path when they came across a gold ring encased in a Burning Bush. "Ah am tha president bah some freak ah chance!" Said the Bush. "Therefore Ah ordah you folks to take this there ring and put it on yah fingah!"

"OOooOO! Shiny!" Said Mat.

"But I won't take it because I can buy so much more with my doodish luck which causes Daniela (the author) to prey to me so she can win stuff!"

Rand uses his powers to channel it up and onto Perrin's Finger. Perrin promptly dissapeared and a sign came out flashing next to a flaminguhh, eye? that said "Welcome to Sauronvision!! By the way, I'm also known as Shai'tan and the Keeper. Give me back my ring!" "Ahh, The Dark One!" screamed Perrin as he scrambled to take off the ring.

Unfortunately, he left it on the sidewalk so Sauron/Shai'tan got it and used it to destroy this _other_ third age. Once again, everyone died. Except for Mat because he rox. He got transported over to Monaco where he became richer than the Prince and then met me and married me.


	2. Turn

But of course…… as this is WoT, everyone comes back to life! As the wheel of time turns, round and round and round and round........ like the slushie machine! (oOoOOoo! pretty!) As the wheel of time turns so I shall attempt to be redeemed back to my original non-druggie self. And as the Maniacal laughter of Shai'tan: "I win again, Lews Therin..." repeats itself over and over...  
  
Mat giggled by the side of the road, quite proud of himself. He had sneaked away quickly and grabbed the ring, replacing it with a cheap 25¢¢ toy machine one. The plastic gave Shai'tan an allergic reaction that caused him to start sneezing sneezes so powerful that it rotated the Wheel of Time backwards making the story start over again...  
  
Another Bothersome Story or WoT meets The Ring of Power!  
  
One Day,  
  
I lied, Three Days actually, Mat (sigh……), Rand, and Perrin were walking down the donkey mucked path when they came across a gold ring encased in a Burning Bush. "Ah am tha president bah some freak ah chance!" Said the Bush. "Therefore Ah ordah you folks to take this there ring and put it on yah fingah!"  
  
"OOooOO! Shiny!" Said Mat.  
  
Mat then remembers what had happened, picks up the ring with a gloved hand, and Lews Therin opens a gateway and channels it into Mount Doom (because he's cooler than Rand.) Rand eventually dies of Syphilis and so does Cyndane, (she decided she actually did like him still and he, well, he's just a sex fiend) Egwene, (you thought that was over, no?) Gawyn, and Elaine. Min and Avhenda, however, are smarter and practiced safe sex (that's why Elaine was the one to get pregnant). Mat and Perrin finally agree that Rand was the worst with girls (all he was was "dashing") and mat figured out that the doorway-thingie did not imply he had to stay married with Tuon, so he got divorced and ended up marrying me... Again. 


	3. Class Time

As we all know, English Teachers can sometimes have the oddest thoughts about stories (especially Mr. B) So I now transport the reader into the Two Rivers Schoolhouse where they are reading a "classic" story depicting the "hardship and toil of life...  
  
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Mr. Ananabay was sitting in front of the class holding open a story. The class was listening "intently" while he tried to "create the correct mood for the story." The lights were dimmed and a candle was lit as he commenced his reading……  
  
"The donkey mucked path in the story is a very important symbol. It represents the oppression of society. can anyone tell me the significance of the word donkey?"  
  
Jane: "I think..."  
  
Mr. Ananabay: "No, can anyone else tell me the significance of the word donkey?"  
  
*Star Pupil raises her hand*  
  
Mr. Ananabay: "Yes Star?"  
  
Star: "the donkey is a burnden animal who has to carry the world on his shoulders. This symbol represents the Malkiri saying that duty is heavier than a mountain and death lighter than a feather. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. And a donkey is also a very sexual animal representing the underlying sexual tendencies of the author.  
  
Dena: *whispering to her friend Linnie* "I bet this represents the fact the author was straight. And the fact the path was mucked by donkeys!"  
  
(15 minutes later)  
  
Mr. Ananabay: "So now we move on... The gold ring is another important symbol. What does it represent?  
  
*Ucksay Upay flashes her secret smile (eew!)*  
  
Mr Ananabay: Yes miss Ucksay?  
  
UU: It represents the danger to living and temptation. Weather or no there is fire around it, Temptation is present and sexual, and even more tempting when it is dangerous. The ring represents the fruit in the Garden of Eden (A/N: always the Bible reference) and the Bush...  
  
Dena: (Jerk)  
  
UU: represents the snake. Temptation causes trouble and...  
  
*Ding dong, Ding dong*  
  
Mr. Ananabay: Okay, class. Be prepared to have a 10 page essay written about the underlying meanings of this single paragraph story by tomorrow!  
  
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A/N: My school bell sounds like a doorbell. It is SO odd. Also, this was in NO way what I really thought when writing this... I may add more after I try some more interesting approaches to "killing it dead" to quote Sean. Also, in English class, everything represents sex, even though this story has nothing to do with it. 


End file.
